Why I’m Pausing My Top 100 Podcast

Welcome to Writing Resilience, the podcast for writers who want to write and live the story that sets them free. I’m your host, Lisa Cooper Ellison — a writer, transformational and trauma-informed coach, story alchemist, and fellow traveler on the winding road of healing and creativity. Each week, I’ll share tools, practices, and conversations that will help you let go of what no longer serves you as you create stories that change lives, especially your own. Together, we’ll explore how to trust your creative voice, support your mental health and resilience, work with your nervous system and unique design, and stay connected to your deepest calling as a writer, even when life gets messy. It’s time, my friends, to write and live the story that sets you free. I’m honored to walk that journey alongside you, one story and one episode at a time.

Welcome, everyone, to Writing Your Resilience. I am so excited to be here with you today. If you’re new to the podcast, my name is Lisa Cooper Ellison. I’m the host of this podcast and your resident Story Alchemist, and I’ve been doing this since the beginning of 2024. I want to open this episode with some major gratitude.

So, gratitude number one: the podcast has gotten over 52,000 listens. Okay — 52,000 listens, and that doesn’t include the listens on YouTube, which take it to probably a little over 75,000. Also, I got an email over the summer that the podcast is now in the top 100 U.S. podcasts for artists and writers on FeedSpot. That’s huge, and I just want to take a moment to sit in that gratitude, because I am so moved by all of this — it would not exist if it wasn’t for all of you. So I want to thank each and every one of you for being a listener. Thank you to those of you who sent fan mail, who shared your comments on YouTube and on social media, who wrote to me — who did all of these things to let me know that this content matters to you and that it’s helped you grow. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being a part of this. None of the milestones I shared today would be here if it weren’t for you.

And here’s the reality about all of this success: that success has brought me to —

Speaker 1 [4:59]

— this episode, and to this moment I’m having to reckon with. Because I’m going to say the most important thing I need to say on my podcast, and that is: my podcast is going to take a break through the end of 2026.

Yeah. It was really hard to make that decision — really hard. There were some tears involved. So let me give you some context for why I’m taking this break.

Those of you who’ve been with me for a while know that I take a break every summer, so I can rest, recharge, and focus on my writing. That’s supposed to be my time of stillness, because what I’ve learned is that when you have that stillness, you’re able to come back and actually have something to say. This year didn’t give me any stillness.

As soon as I took my break, my beloved Miss Foxy — my cat, who I’d had for 12 years and who’d been a guest on the podcast and made many appearances here — passed away after a period of illness. She was sick even before my break began, and she was sick right up until she took her last breath, which was on July 22. That was a huge heartbreak for me, because she’d been with me so long and we did everything together. She truly is a being who helped me be present in this life, and who helped me experience love in a very unique way.

So I was sitting with that grief at the end of July, and then, as soon as I started to get my bearings, we found a water leak in our house. It turned out our ducts were sweating in the space between the basement ceiling and the first floor, and it was creating mold — and mold has always been my worst nightmare, because I’m extremely sensitive to it. It’s shut down my immune system in the past. So I was facing this terrible heartbreak on top of a nightmare scenario that actually took me out of my home for a month.

I am so grateful to my friends Jessica, Kirby, and Kathy, who let me stay in their house along with my husband and my other cat, Miss Kitten. We were there for three weeks, and then, as soon as we got home, we flew to Utah for a retreat, which was wonderful. Just one more thing — and it wasn’t until September 7th that I was actually back in my house. And once I got there, I realized something had to give. So I made this decision.

But I want you to know that’s not the whole reason I made it. Yes, all of those things happened, and they made this a no-brainer for me. But I’d been getting these — not just intuitive, but what I’ll call sacral hits — these knowing hits for months, telling me I needed to do something different. I felt it deep in my belly, and I kept pushing it away, because I was so focused on the momentum, so focused on everything I wanted to do. I pushed through even though I was pretty sick in the spring and early summer, from some allergy shots that went in a very different direction than anticipated.

So it’s not just that all of this happened and I got tired. As I got more and more tired, I stopped being able to connect with my intuition — and all the wisdom that makes me good at my job, that lets me write the true thing that needs to be said, was gone. I felt extremely lost. And when I really tapped in and realized the thing that matters to me most — my internal wisdom — was missing, I knew I had to slow down.

On top of that, I was feeling pretty flat. Lots of things have happened that bring me joy, and I consciously move toward joy whenever I can. But you know — sometimes you’re just not feeling it.

Speaker 1 [10:10]

And I’ll be honest with you — there were a lot of times when I just felt flat. I wasn’t necessarily sad, but I wasn’t joyful either. I was just kind of here, going through the motions, while this whisper was in the background saying, you’re out of alignment. You’re out of alignment. You need to do something different. You need to rethink the podcast, and you need to think about it in a deeper and more expansive way.

The one thing I’ve learned through all of this is that I cannot do that from a state of doing. I have to have more spaciousness in my day and in my schedule — and not just, “oh, you need a weekend off,” or “oh, you need to go on a retreat.” No. Sometimes you need a lot of time off. You need things to be slow for a while, so that instead of pouring yourself outward, you begin to take it inside.

I decided I was going to listen — to my body, to my soul, to my spirit — because what it’s been saying is so unambiguous. And I’ll be honest with you: the day I wrote down that I needed to pause the podcast, two things happened. First, I felt this sigh — like, ah, yes. I had a sense of ease for a moment. And then all the pressure-related stories showed up in my head about why I needed to keep going. Like: the podcast is building momentum. You’re on this list. You’ve got all these listeners. You need to keep going. There are people who help you in the background — like Haley, my podcast producer (shout-out to Espresso Podcast) — and this impacts her. It impacts the person who helps me with social media and some of the backend SEO stuff. It affects these different people. And then there were the ideas around the algorithm: if I stop showing up and take a break, what happens when I come back? Am I going to be starting from zero? Are people going to be interested in what I have to say? What will this mean for my business? How can I build an author platform — because I’m working on a book, and you have to have an author platform. How is all of this going to work together? Or am I going to be putting myself in a situation where I’m compromised?

So I want to sit with that for a moment. And listeners, I want to ask you this: have you ever been in a situation like this, where you had this internal no telling you that you needed to slow down, that you needed to let something go, even though it’s successful and you’ve loved it? But it’s been really hard, and every time you try, all of these what-ifs come in — all of this connection to your worthiness comes in. What’s that been like? Really sit with it for a moment, because this actually is a time to be thinking about this, because we’re in a space of refinement, where we’re all energetically looking at what we need to do and what we need to shed so we can be our truest and best selves. I want you to have the opportunity to do this alongside me, because — as I said — we’re in this together.

And I want you to know that as I’m sharing all of this, I know this is just a voice in my head. There’s a part of me that really loves to be successful, and another part that gets really afraid of change, or of things not working out — that’s speaking right now. But these are just voices, and instead of fighting against them or shutting them down, I’m listening to them. I’m letting them say what they have to say. I’m not arguing with them. And once they’re done, I’m pausing, and I’m saying: I am here. I am here with you. I hear what you have to say, and — we can do things differently. We can make changes, even though change is uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 [15:06]

And these parts of me know that discomfort is where true growth takes place, and they really are in it with me, because they know I will hold space for them.

So I want to share a little about some of the things I’ve learned since making this really tough decision, because I think it’s important for me to say out loud — and perhaps for you to hear. And this is the number one thing: this isn’t about failure, in any way, shape, or form. It’s not me going away — I’ll talk more about that later. It’s really about truly, truly, truly understanding what it means to be a leader. This is something I’m truly embracing, and it’s a paradigm shift for me — the paradigm shift we all need. It’s knowing that leading from being is not a soft option. Leading from places of spaciousness, leading from places where you take breaks, where you do the thing you truly want to do rather than the thing you feel obligated to do — that is not wimpy. It is actually the most courageous thing you can do, and it’s the most courageous thing I know I need to do right now. So that was number one: leading from being is not a soft option. It is a courageous thing to do, and more of us need to do that. And the only way we can do it is through taking breaks.

The second thing I want to share with you is a major pain point I experienced over Labor Day weekend — which hurt so good. Have you ever had something happen to you, listeners, where — and if you have, please share this on YouTube in the comments — you got a piece of information about yourself that really stung, and yet it was exactly what you needed to hear?

So here’s my experience. Over Labor Day weekend, I attended the Undone Academy retreat in Utah — shout-out to Becky Muller and her crew. And I sat with something I’d been knowing and dismissing for quite a while, and this time I couldn’t unsee it. It’s this: there’s a way that I show up for everyone else that has sometimes had a direct cost on my own becoming — and those costs have been physical, psychological, and career-related. Sometimes it causes me to suppress who I really am and what really matters to me most. Some of that has to do with my book. I’ve been working on some projects for a while, and, you know, sometimes life gets in the way, and creativity also takes time, and I’m very willing to be with that. But sometimes I overbook myself. Sometimes I say yes when I should say no, and that’s put me in a position where my creativity has taken a back seat. And it’s ironic, because the whole reason I started this business, started this podcast, did all of these things, was to be of service to everyone else, of course — but also to create something that fed my creative life. And instead, my overdoing, my over-concern with everyone else, has caused some of that to languish, or has left me behind on the things that matter most. I’m sitting with that even right now, because — oh my goodness — is that hard to say, and hard to live with.

But I’m not saying this from a place of shame. Shame doesn’t do anyone any good, and I refuse to live from shame. Sometimes shame gets all of us — but I refuse to put that on myself. Instead, I’m taking responsibility for my shadow side, and for bringing my shadow into the light, so I can grow into my fullest version of myself. And I offer this so you can do the same, because the reality is, this is the work. The whole reason we’re here as human beings is to learn and grow, and the only way we grow is by spending time with our shadow. So that’s what I’m doing.

Speaker 1 [20:49]

I’m looking at myself and saying, “Yeah, you’ve got some shadow work. You’re going to have to look at some hard things. You’re going to have to build new habits” — and some of those habits are going to really conflict with the core of who I am. But it’s what I need to do. This is how I am leading from being, and part of that is leading from spaciousness. I’m leading from spaciousness by allowing the podcast to take a break until the beginning of 2027, and I’m going to listen to my inner knowing — which shows up for me in my body — as to when to start it back up. So I’m not going to claim a date today, because that would be living in that old paradigm of making sure I’ve told you when things are going to happen. And of course I want to tell you. But I need to live in a space of not knowing for a period of time, so I can truly figure this out.

Because all of that suppression I’ve done — and this is something I didn’t even realize until I started writing about it this week — denying this inner voice, and not allowing myself to live from the spaciousness my soul calls for, has actually been censoring my voice. It’s been censoring my writing voice, and it’s censored other aspects of my voice, too, because when you suppress one part of yourself, you suppress all of it. You’re taking everything down a notch. And I want to claim my fullest voice, my most powerful voice — and this, my friends, is where it’s really getting deep. Cultivating my deepest voice is my life’s work, because it’s the thing that was taken from me when I was very, very young. And finding it, and cultivating it, and holding space for all those parts of self that are afraid to do this — that’s what’s needed for me to truly be of service to you.

And I’ll be honest — talking about cultivating my strongest, most powerful voice from a space of spaciousness, where I allow myself a lot of ease, brings up those old voices. And I’m not talking only about the fearful places inside myself, but the conditioning I’ve gotten from other people, from the world — the conditioning that says: oh, that’s selfish. Who do you think you are, taking time and spaciousness in your life when other people can’t afford to do this? What about everyone else? What’s going on with all that privilege? Those voices have kept me small. And what I do when I hear them is, once again, I take it in. I say, “Yep, there it is” — and I choose to be kind to myself and live expansively anyway. Whew. I just have to take a breath on that one. It’s so powerful, such a shift inside me, to be able to say those things and fully, fully mean them.

Because what I’m really excited about is that when I come back, we get to continue doing this together. And I want to invite you to join me. You don’t have to take a break or anything like that — but I want you to consider what it is that your body and your soul need right now, to create more spaciousness, more of a sense of unhurriedness, so you’re ready for whatever’s next in your life, whether that’s more writing, more creating of some other kind, or more just being — so that you show up in a bigger way in your relationships. So ask yourself: where can you be, rather than simply do? And can you see this being-space not as an abandonment of everyone else, but as a commitment to yourself, and a commitment to being the leader you are — because regardless of what you do in this world, you are leading. At the very least, you’re leading yourself. If you have a family, you’re leading your family in some way, shape, or form. If you work, no matter what position you hold, you’re leading that position.

Speaker 1 [26:32]

There are so many ways that we lead, and we can all lead from that space of being — so that it supports not only you, but everyone else, because when you offer these things to yourself, you give others permission to do the same.

So, as we begin to wrap up, I want to let you know that I am not disappearing — I said that earlier. So what does that mean? I’m going to create some playlists on YouTube with all of the content I have. I’ll also create some new YouTube content when I get that internal sacral yes — that intuitive knowing that it’s time — and I’m going to do it when it feels right, rather than on a schedule.

The other thing I’m super excited about is that I’m going to continue with the Writing Your Resilience newsletter on Substack, because right now that’s a space that feels really alive and potent for me. So if you want to hang out with me, that’s where I’ll be, consistently, every week. You can join me there.

I’m also doing a Burnout to Bliss challenge — a 10-week challenge that begins now, with the first lesson rolling out on September 22. It’s an opportunity to spend time with yourself, to do some of this being-work through the lens of pressure — really looking at the different pressures you put on yourself, the pressure that relationships and the world put on you, and how you can begin to deconstruct that so you’re in a greater space of being. You’ll get short videos, little meditations, journal prompts, and opportunities to explore along the way — even an accountability buddy to walk alongside you. There will be all kinds of opportunities to do this work. If you want to join me, you can go to lisacooperellison.substack.com and sign up as a paid subscriber — it’s only $8 a month, or $80 for the year, which works out to a bit cheaper. You’ll be part of this challenge and every challenge I run after it, and I’ll be walking those challenges right alongside you, because — as you’ve heard in this episode — I’ve been dealing with pressure myself. That’s why I decided to start there. In fact, spirit told me, “This is where you’re going to start.” This is the inner work, and I’m looking at pressure for myself as you do the same. I really hope you’ll join me there. There will be additional challenges in 2027, though I have no idea yet what they’ll be, because — once again — I’m going to be still for a while, and then listen and see what the universe has for me to do. That’s how I live my dharma.

I also want to let you know that part of this work will be done through Human Design, which is one of my passions. I’ve done this with a number of different people — I’ve read, I don’t know, probably close to 100 charts at this point — and I’m totally open to being wrong. I have no skin in the game here. I just want to give people information to help them be more of who they are. And if you look at it and say, “No, that’s not me” — that’s fine. But what’s been really exciting about Human Design is that I’ve shared this with all these people, and not once has anyone said, “No, that’s not me.” They’ve said, “I wish that wasn’t me,” or “How I am doesn’t necessarily align with how our culture or the world works right now” — but no one has said it isn’t them. So that will be one of the lenses we use to look at pressure, and that’s part of how the challenge will work. So again, if you want to become a paid subscriber, you can go to lisacooperellison.substack.com to sign up.

Speaker 1 [31:09]

The link will also be in the show notes, and I would love to have you as part of this group. It’s a very dynamic group — I love meeting with people, and I’m absolutely excited about it, because this is my sacred dharma, and I am truly in love with this work. I’m in love with all the ways I get to connect with you, with the ways we get to grow and expand together, and with the ways we’re deconstructing and leaving hustle culture. That’s something that’s very important to me, because it’s the stuff that gets all of us with people-pleasing tendencies, with fawning trauma responses, into big trouble. And I’ll say that even if you don’t have any of those tendencies, it’s probably getting you in trouble too, because I’m reading more and more about people who are burned out and just struggling to get by — and they’re feeling this call, whether they’re paying attention to it or not.

So no matter what I do when I come back, I want to make one promise to you. I’ve said I’m not committing to an exact date for when this is coming back, but I do have one promise: no matter what the format is, no matter what changes, this will remain at the heart of what I do — helping people understand the stories they’ve been telling themselves, so they can deconstruct the stories that are unhelpful and reauthor them, so they can live a full, authentic life. A life where you’re fully in touch with your wholeness — and that wholeness doesn’t come from trying to fix brokenness, because we are not broken. You are not broken, in any way. I’m not broken, in any way. We are both whole, and this work we’re doing is helping us remember our wholeness, which exists at all times, no matter what you’ve experienced. The world’s experiences may make you feel broken, but that’s an illusion. There is always, always some aspect of you, deep inside, that remains whole — and your job is to uncover it and figure out what it is.

So I want us to pause here for a moment, so you can begin to tap into that through developing some awareness. Take a couple of deep breaths in and out. On your next breath, inhale through the nose, purse your lips, and blow out. One more time — inhale. And wiggle your toes, so you can call your energy fully into your body. Notice how you’re feeling today. Are you energized? Are you tired? Either way — what’s underneath that? What’s the part of you that you’re not paying attention to that needs your attention? Put your hands on your heart. And as you connect with whatever is underneath the conscious experience, I want you to know: if you’re feeling tired, broken, unsure, burned out, done — feeling like the way you’ve been doing things is unsustainable and can’t work anymore — or if you’re experiencing shame or disappointment that you’ve given so much to others and not enough to yourself, or you’re having some experience I haven’t named — I see you, and I support you. And I want you to know that not taking care of yourself is the thing that gets in the way of your becoming. Self-care is how you truly become. And as you do that, you expand into a fuller version of who you are, which allows other people to do the same. That’s the work I’m doing, and I want to do it with absolute humility, because walking my talk is not always graceful. Trust me — it was humbling to come to some of these realizations, and hard, because I sure didn’t want to look at any of it. But I did. And I’m being honest with you about this messiness, because that’s how things really are. And that’s what Writing Your Resilience is about.

Speaker 1 [36:41]

It’s about accepting what is, and understanding it, so we can build it into what we want it to be. So I am cheering you on as you do this work over the next few months — whether you’re doing it with me on Substack, walking that walk together, or doing it in some other way. I’m so excited for you. I’m so excited for myself, and I cannot wait to see what comes next.

So thank you so much for listening to this episode. Thank you for all of the support you’ve offered me and the podcast, and all the ways you’ve spread the word so it can be of service to others. I am deeply, deeply grateful, and I’ll see you again in 2027.

That’s it for today’s episode. Thank you so much for listening. I couldn’t do this podcast without your support. If you loved this episode, here are three simple ways you can keep this show thriving: one, subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or your favorite podcast platform, so you never miss an episode; two, leave a five-star review so others can find the show; three, join my engaged, dynamic community by signing up for the Writing Your Resilience newsletter — as a thank-you, you’ll receive a free copy of Ditch Your Inner Critic: Five Tools to Transform Self-Doubt into Self-Support.

Until next time, remember that your story matters. As you write and connect with the truest, most authentic version of yourself, you become not just the writer, but the person you’re meant to be. And that, my friends, is the real freedom writing can offer.